House-hunting Tip for Guys

Recently, I went house-hunting with one of my guy friends. My job was to give the female perspective--what does a woman think about when looking at houses? I gave him the obvious female input: We women want lots of counter space in the kitchen, and it matters whether or not there's a linen closet in the bedroom hallway.

One more thing: You want to make sure that the layout of the bathroom was well thought-out. In my current house, the cabinet is above the toilet; the toilet has become an abyss for many cosmetic/personal care items. I once fished a small perfume vial out of the toilet with a pair of chopsticks. Then there was the time I knocked my roommate's Vaseline jar into the toilet. Though I considered salvaging it, the thought of toilet water seeping its way past the lid and into the oily gooze was just too much.

A couple days ago, I woke up and went into the bathroom to find this note from my roommate taped to the mirror, "Naomi, I'm afraid your toothbrush fell into the toilet this morning :{ Sorry!"

My mind when into problem-solving mode: Do I have another toothbrush lying around? No. Could I chew gum all day and avoid breathing in people's faces? Dangerous and disgusting. Could I go pick one up at the store? Got up too late, not enough time. Could I use my roommate's toothbrush? Yes...

So, I boiled my roommate's toothbrush and called her later that day to tell her to increase the toothbrush order to two. Her note had promised me a new toothbrush by the evening. But now I wasn't the only one who needed a new toothbrush.

So, all you guys who want to take advantage of the buyer's housing market: Bring a girl with you. You'll never guess what they find important.

As the World Turns: A Summary of Recent World Events

Dear President Obama,

Socialism? Really?! Are you out of your freakin' mind? Look at what that did to my country. Nothing good can come from it.

Look at the Chinese. They're sending their people over to your country in boatloads to buy your foreclosed houses. Why can't you be more capitalistic like them?

Sincerely,
Vladimir Putin

Sales Tax OR A Discussion of the Government's Profit Margin

Think about: Yesterday I went into McDonald's and bought items exclusively off the Dollar Menu. Now, I can't possibly believe the Dollar Menu is a loss leader, because half the items people purchase are off the Dollar Menu. However, the profit margin can't be very high. I have no training in economics, but suppose the net profit margin on Dollar Menu items is 5 percent. So, I went into McDonald's, bought two items off the Dollar Menu and McDonald's made 10 cents. How much tax did I pay on the bill? 15 cents. And that's all net profit for the government. So essentially, the government has a net profit margin of 7.5 percent on the McDonald's Dollar Menu, compared to McDonald's own 5 percent.

Who's really winning this game?

Day 4: Wall Street and Some Thoughts on Purchasing Power in New York

Wall Street is not much of a street. I imagined hundreds of bustling men-in-suits, running across the street with their hand in the air, hailing taxis. In fact, the part of Wall Street I went to--the part next to the New York Stock Exchange--is cut off to traffic and mostly all I saw was tourists in various stages of taking photos.

One thing I find interesting about New York is the prices. On-the-sidewalk vendors sell $1.75 hotdogs; 80-cent, eight-ounce cups of coffee are all over Chinatown. But, seeing $9.99-per-1/2 hour parking seemed pretty standard throughout Manhattan. I'm thinking I could survive financially in New York as long as I could subsist on hot dogs and little cups of coffee and didn't bring my car.

Day 2: In the Movies

Central Park in the winter holds not the glory of summer in Central Park. Nonetheless, I still felt that perhaps I was the girl from Enchanted, or I was watching a young chess prodigy from Searching for Bobby Fischer. Later we went to the Museum of Natural History, and I got to pretend I was in Night at the Museum, Sagawea and Teddy Roosevelt and all.

Most memorable perhaps was the model of the giant squid suctioned to a giant sperm whale. Did you know that no one has ever observed giant squid in their native habitat? No one knows for sure where they eat or where they live. Dead ones just wash up on shore, get caught in fishing nets or are discovered in the bellies of sperm whales; that's the only way we know that giant squid exist. Crazy, huh?

Day 3: Ellis Island

Somehow, its museum made immigration through Ellis Island seem a rather glamorous--if painful--affair. And, according to the tour guide, 40 percent of Americans can trace their ancestry through this island. So you can imagine my disappointment to find, upon calling my mom from the museum, that my ancestors emigrated from Germany around the 1860s, long before Ellis Island's doors opened in 1892. Although, when you think about it, being around since the 1860s makes my family good, solid American stock--I'm practically a Daughter of the American Revolution.

New York City, Day 1 OR The Importance of Wise Choices in Footwear When Traveling

I recently spent a few days in New York City. The three of us who went together jokingly referred to ourselves as the three villagers come to gawk at the big city.

Now, the thing I don't like about being a tourist is looking like a tourist. The essentials to appearing like a "native" are to dress like the natives, act unaffected by everything and not go around holding a map and saying things like, "That museum was interesting, but what I'm really looking forward to is going to the Empire State Building tomorrow."

Unfortunately, my traveling companions were not as concerned about looking like tourists; I gave up trying to look like a native when I realized that the Lonely Planet guide to NYC that never left my friend's hands implicated all three of us, not just him.

A corollary to the "Be careful how much you care about looking the native" is "Be careful what you value when making footwear decisions while traveling." I chose--incorrectly--to value fashion (you have to look fashionable if you want to look like a native in NYC, right?) over function. I brought my fashionable, not-so-waterproof boots. And, in deference to my traveling ideal of packing lightly, I only brought this one pair of shoes.

The boots--whose native habitat is dry, cold climates--were ill-prepared for the slushy fallout of a New York snow. The wool socks, who usually cooperate well with the boots to keep me warm, provided no insulation once they too were slush-soaked.

I have at least three pairs of shoes that would have done a better job of keeping my feet warm and dry, but I didn't think they were fashionable enough for New York City. I think I might need to readjust my values.

This episode reminded me of a day I spent traveling to Nanjing when I decided--because it was so hot--to wear my (apparently tractionless) flip-flops. It rained that day, and I spent the entire day trying not to fall on my butt on the slick, smooth granite tiles of the Nanjing walkways.

The lesson in both instances is the same: Consider carefully all possible complications that a particular pair of shoes could pose when traveling.