My Great American Novel

A friend has challenged me to write a great American novel, something to be found in the company of, say, Moby Dick or Huckleberry Finn. When I enquired as to the requisite features of said genre, I was told that it must encapsulate the yearnings, the desires, the angst of the typical modern American. So, I've decided my first step will be to learn a current American English dialect. I will standardize its spelling and grammar to provide my readers a bit of assistance in following the vast passages of incoherent dialog in my novel. My next step will be to befriend a particularly ornery child who speaks this dialect. I will then catalog his various schemes and mishaps as he travels down the river in search of his nemesis, a very large, very white fish--a fish about the size of Jonah's...fish. I think that should do it.